


The Sandpiper Air Reconstitution

by Missy



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: Airplanes, Community: vacationthon, F/M, Hawaii, Humor, The Caribbean, Vacation, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-18
Updated: 2011-07-18
Packaged: 2017-10-21 12:58:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/225426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Bernadette and Howard set off to get married in the Caribbean, Penny and Leonard find their own romantic futures up in the air. Literally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sandpiper Air Reconstitution

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thismuchmore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thismuchmore/gifts).



> Written for thismuchmore for the vacationbang exchange. Thanks to Amber (afullmargin) for beta!

Penny had one, and only one, goal as she arrowed toward her apartment door that afternoon; to take a very long bath and forget the entire day had ever happened. One double shift, and an audition that had involved both immediate rejection and being informed that she wasn’t the right ‘kind’ of blonde for their shampoo add. The awkward aftermath of the one-nighter that had gone down between her and Raj lingered in the air whenever she visited the boys’ apartment, so she decided to skip seeing them this afternoon and dive straight into a steamy bubble bath. She had decided, in short, that she’d had enough of the world at large for one day.

She had not been alone with her thoughts and her brewing cup of coffee for two minutes when the familiar staccato knock sounded.

“Penny? Penny? Penny?”

Shuffling to the door, Penny jerked it open and was rewarded by Sheldon’s officious expression. He marched into the room bearing a gold-gilded invitation. He spoke before she could tell him to come in. “Well, I am truly offended.”

She squinted at him. “Did Leonard reset your Tetris score?”

Sheldon frowned. “Don’t joke about that.” He held out the invitation. “We have been cordially invited to the Caribbean nuptials of one Howard and one Bernadette.” He held out the invitation. “Read this.” He pointed out a line demandingly.

Penny read aloud ‘Best Man: Leonard Hoffstedder.”

“This will not do,” Sheldon insisted. “According to any and all agreements as outlined in the third codicil of the roommate agreement, I am to be the best man at any and all weddings that occur between May twelfth, nineteen ninety-nine, and my death.”

Penny shrugged. “What does this have to do with me?”

Sheldon looked incredibly offended. “Besides seeking your filial support – thank you for that, Medea - I may have a missive from someone else.”

Penny sighed. “Who?”

“Leonard extends his invitation to you. You are to join him at twelve sharp at the airport, where the entire building will be invited to consume large amounts of liquor and unquote boogie unquote their way down to the Bahamas for the wedding.”

“He rented a private plane for Howard?” Penny couldn’t help but entertain a little thrill of hope at the idea of heading out to a tropical island, even with her complicated feelings for Leonard.

Sheldon shrugged. “Well, that and because he can’t eliminate his bowels on a public plane.”

Penny winced and ran a hand through her messed up hair. “Okay. So that gives me all night to finish up…”

“Incorrect. I specifically said twelve noon,” Sheldon corrected. “You aren’t paying attention to me, Penny.” His expression read ‘WHY aren’t you paying attention to me, Penny?’

She glanced furtively at the wall clock. She had two hours to fix her hair and pack a suitcase. If she didn’t get rid of Sheldon immediately, she’d miss the flight.

There was only one man she’d do this for, and it wasn’t the one glaring at her in a striped tee-shirt.

“Hand me that towel,” she said, unbelting her robe.

Sheldon covered his eyes and raced to the door. “Please keep your mammary glands covered.” He frowned. “I believe I’m the only male in the building who hasn’t seen them,” he continued, stepping outside. “And may I add…”

Penny closed the door in his face, ignoring the rapid burst of knocks that followed until Leonard came to retrieve him.

***

Penny cringed and closed her eyes as she curled up in her seat. She felt as if she were flying the friendly skies straight through hell, and her friends – as earnest as they were – were at their least helpful. Bernadette kept declaring she and Howard were going to ‘get crunked’ when they landed, Raj’s repeated and failed attempts at picking up their stewardess, and Amy and Sheldon’s furtive scheming near the tail section all combined to make her wait for some inevitable final horror to befall her or for the entire craft to take a tail spin straight into the ocean and dump her on that creepy island from ‘Lost.’

That’s when she smelled tea. Really good tea, tinged with lemon, being held right under her nose. If it was Sheldon conducting some sort of social experiment she swore she’d follow Missy’s lead and knee the man straight in his groin. But when she glanced down, she followed the line of an arm she knew too well, to a face she loved. She gave Leonard an awkward smile. “Hey.”

He stuffed his free hand into his pocket. “Hi. Do you mind if I…”

She shook her head, moving the Marie Claire she’d been skimming for an hour from the commuter seat beside her. She picked up the tea and sipped. “That’s good.”

He stiffly sat next to her. “Lemon is supposed to be good for the throat,” he explained. “I figured you might want it so you can talk at the wedding and…”

There, of course, wasn’t anything wrong with Penny’s throat. “Honey,” she sighed, “you don’t need to be worried. Just relax.”

He let out a squeak of a laugh. “Nervous? Who’s nervous? I’m…gellin’.” He made a gesture with his hand to indicate that he was smooth.

“Okay, mister smoothie. You’re gellin’.” She bit back a laugh, rubbed his hand, and then learned back in her chair and sighed. “So, how’s Priya?”

His flesh cringed against hers. “She sounded all right on the phone the day she sent back the key to our apartment. I got a postcard from her last week and she told me she’s not coming back to America. It was her choice, not her parents.” He frowned. “She met a six-foot tall podiatrist named Rahim.”

“Sorry,” she winced. “No one told me.”

He gave her a weak smile. “I thought Sheldon would’ve by now.”

She laughed. “Sheldon only comes over when something’s wrong. I bet he’s been happier than ever, now that Priya’s gone.” So was Penny, but she held on to her poker face.

Leonard just nodded his head. “You know what’s weird?”

“What?”

“I don’t miss her.”

That was when the plane started bucking under their feet. There were varying exclamations of vehemence coming from their friends, and everyone strapped in.

Her eyes grew wide and she gripped Leonard’s hand. “Honey, I’ve got to tell you something.”

“What?! What?!” He spit out, as the captain’s voice crackled to life.

“I love…” she began.

“Just some mild mechanical difficulties,” the captain declared. “We’re going to make a pit-stop in Oahu while we fix things. Everyone please strap themselves in and prepare for descent.”

Sheldon clicked his tongue. “I warned you not to fly Sandpiper Air! The reason’s right there in their name. Any airline which names itself after an avian creature suffers from a clear case of Freudian-level envy.”

Amy spoke up. “Sheldon’s right – would you call it aviary envy or something more deeply-rooted in the psyche?”

“Why yes – I believe I would.”

They looked at one another and said, quite meaningfully, “penis envy.”

Penny burrowed down in her seat, holding onto Leonard throughout the descent.

***

The four-hour layover in Oahu for mechanical difficulties proved a merciful treat. Penny got herself something red and sweet served up in a coconut shell and sipped it down at a restaurant with an increasingly-drunk Bernadette and a quixotic Amy while Howard and Leonard argued with the skycap, Raj picked up postcards for his sister and Sheldon tried to sterilize the counter with baby wipes.

Penny bit back another smile as she patted Bernadette’s hand. “So, in two hours you’re gonna be Missus Bernadette Rostenkowski –Wolowitz. How does that feel.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Bernadette admitted, her cheeks pale pink from her excitement and the alcohol. “Thrilling – like someone added extra grenadine syrup to my Shirley Temple!”

“That sounds stimulating,” Amy said, sipping her ginger ale.

Bernadette giggled, rocking on her barstool. “You’re cut off,” Penny declared, pulling her drink away.

“Oh, I’m fine,” she smiled blearily and hit the table. “How about you? Don’t you feel a little weird that Leonard asked you to the wedding?”

“He asked everyone to the wedding,” she said, her smile flimsy.

“No, bestie – he asked you,” Amy said.

“I need to pee,” Penny declared. “Excuse me. Amy.”

Amy put an awkwardly-placed hand on Bernadette’s arm. “Want to play some ski-ball in the game room buddy?”

Bernadette giggled. “Let’s go crazy!”

Penny was on her way to the ladies room when the guys’ arguing reached a crescendo pitch. Suddenly, they were walking toward her.

“Penny…” they said together. Howard wheeled around.

“Let me tell her.”

“I think it would be easier coming from me,” Leonard declared.

“You’re not her fiancé!” Howard hissed.

“Guys, just tell me what’s wrong before my bladder explodes,” Penny demanded.

Leonard leaned in and whispered the truth in her ear. She weighed the words, gave Howard a quick glance and turned toward Bernadette.

“Honey, you’re getting married in Oahu,” she informed Bernadette, turning toward the ladies room. Most of the loud protesting came from Howard; she clearly heard him say ‘Don’t ruin this for me, Leonard.’ As she exited the women’s room, she heard Bernadette nosily climb to her feet.

“STOP IT!!” she shouted. “We can still get crunked here! LET’S GET CRUNKED IN OAHU.”

Then she slammed down her drink, leaned against Howard’s shoulder with a bleary smile, and passed out.

**

Fifteen minutes later, Penny sat alone in the bathroom of her mercifully private room within the Hidey-Ho Motel (Twelve Miles from the Highway; Free HBO and Landline Service!), scrubbing vomit stains out of her favorite tank top. For the hundredth time she vowed to stop mixing mixed drinks with beer, leaving it to soak. Her ‘I’m Udderly Wild for Wisconsin’ tee-shirt wasn’t the most attractive thing she owned, but it would keep everything covered. Then there was a percussive knock on the door, and she rushed to answer it.

“What do you…” she paused and smiled at Leonard’s appearance.

“Uh…” he said. “Want to watch a scrambled Bruce Lee movie with me?”

She shrugged. “Sure.” Heading into the seafoam green bedroom, her toes snagged the shag carpet pleasantly as she turned the set on. She sat on the edge of the double-wide bed, and Leonard sat a respectful distance away.

She glanced at him and smiled warmly. “You can come closer. I won’t bite.”

“I remember,” Leonard said agreeably, “that you don’t.”

Penny shuffled her feet against the bare carpet. Leonard – with sunblock on his nose, and sporting a‘Welcome to Hawaii’ tee-shirt – stared at the screen. She could make out half of Bruce’s arm and a bit of his foot, but his sounds of forceful authority came through the air.

“So…” ventured Leonard suddenly, “you were saying you lu’d somebody?”

She stopped shuffling her feet and poked him with her index finger, giving Leonard a quick shock. He frowned and rubbed his arm. “It would have hurt worse if you were wearing your pocket protector.”

“It’s not made of metal.” He frowned. “You’re still not going to say it?”

She grunted. “I’ve got chunks of Bernadette’s barf in my hair.”

“You’re beautiful.” And the way he said it made her realize that he meant it. She reached out and squeezed his hand.

“I’m going to clean up. How about we go for a walk on the beach instead?”

He smiled. “I’d be honored.”

And that made her stomach do a curlicue twist. Gah, those unexplained feelings she’d been having for him for months, all of them crowding up on her and making her worry! She went to the bathroom, cleaned up and met him down at the lobby.

He took his arm like a gentleman, and they walked out onto the sun baked sidewalk, down across several roads and to the beach. There laid miles of white sand, and Penny fell into a natural, easy rhythm with Leonard as they explored the slippery rock formations by the ocean. They spent hours picking through the tide pool, and she patiently listened as Leonard called each fish by its scientific name. She soaked up as much sun as she could, finally feeling human after hours stuck on the plane. As they made their way to a bench with a couple of shaved ices, they were conversing like friends again.

“It’s beautiful,” she remarked, staring at the water.

“So are you,” he said, boldly. Penny turned toward him, seeing the sun glint off his glasses, a smile tipping up his lips. “I got you this,” he said, holding out a small plastic sandwich bag. She took it and read the label, which he had carefully scrawled.

“’’One grain of Hawaiian sand,” she read out loud. To go with her single snowflake from Antarctica. Penny felt her heart lurch, overburdened by joy, all of her doubts starting to fall away. “Leonard,” she reached out and clasped his hand.

He watched her, pulled back a little. “You’re still into Raj.”

Her nose wrinkled. “What?”

“I won’t stand in your way,” he announced. “He was all right with Priya and I…eventually. I guess I should go apologize tip…”

Penny grabbed Leonard by his sleeve, pulling him closer, flush against her body. “What happened with Raj won’t happen again.” She had already decided that little factor months ago. “He’s not the guy I’m in love with here…”

He smiled, waiting for her to say the words. “I’m working on it,” she said, poking his chest. “Don’t you want some romance?”

“I want whatever’s going to put me in your arms faster…if that’s okay with you,” he added, with quick politeness.

She shook her head. “I keep going back to the advice Wil Wheaton gave me…”

“You took relationship advice from Wil Wheaton too?”

“Yeah, he told me if I stayed with you without being able to tell you I love you, it’d be completely unfair to you. But all the time we spent apart just made me feel lousy.”

Leonard’s eyebrow quirked. “I’m starting to believe Sheldon’s theory about him being made of pure evil.”

She smiled. “Sweetie, that’s why I kept coming back to you, you make me smile so much.” She squeezed his hand. “I love you, Leonard Hoffsteader.”

As the sun set, they shared a kiss.

***

Penny awoke with a bespectacled, curly-haired Leonard cuddling her middle. She snuggled down against the warmth of him, smiling sleepily. For all of the complaining she’d done, after spending a little time with the Rajs of the world she’d missed Mr. Foreplay. Not that she’d let on to that one.

Smiling peacefully, she pecked his forehead. “Want to call down for breakfast?” she asked.

“I did it while you were in the bathroom.”

She smirked. “I knew having a genius as a boyfriend would have its benefits.” She yawned and stretched, resting until they heard room service knock on the door. “I’ll get it,” Penny volunteered, slipping on her discarded tee-shirt and ducking out the door.

She looked up at a disapproving harrumph, ready to tell off that harrumph-er right in their harrumph-ing face. Sheldon eyed her dryly and cinched his robe tighter. “I see strum has recoupled with draang and all is now right with the world.”

“Yep,” she said, slipping back inside the room. “Tell Howard and Bernadette we’ll be late to the rehearsal dinner.”

“Very well,” he said. “With that good deed, I claim full rights to the position of best man at yours and Leonard’s wedding, and all subsequent failed marriages and remarriages.”

The slamming door and a chorus of wicked giggles answered Sheldon. Walking back up the hallway to a game of battleship with Amy, he vowed to write them two strongly-worded Facebook wall posts.

THE END


End file.
